Absurdly Driven looks at the world of business with a skeptical eye and a firmly rooted tongue in cheek.
I'm always happy to fly First Class.
As long as someone else is paying, that is.
The food, for example, is slightly better. There's free food, after all.
Even when I'm sitting in coach, the smell of freshly cooking food creates a marked contrast to whatever I've bought at the airport that's already drying in a sad paper bag by my feet.
Now, however, United Airlines appears to have had second thoughts about giving all its First Class passengers that warm feeling inside.
As revealed by qukslvr619 on FlyerTalk, United has decided to save a few nickels and a dime on its First Class food offerings.
Should your US flight last less than three hours (in actual flying time, you understand, not including delays and passenger-draggings), you will no longer have breakfast breads in First Class.
Give us this day our daily, well, whatever you've got.
Oh, but that's not all.
Your lunch will no longer include the choice of something warm. Your dinner will have one lone hot option. Pray it isn't soggy curry.
Should your flight be a little longer, say, between three and four hours, you'll also only have one hot meal option instead of the former two.
Pray it's not the visually painful and actually awful "Philly Cheesesteak Sandwich" I was once served in American Airlines First Class.
Now if your flight is between 4 hours and 5 hours 24 minutes -- but isn't transcontinental -- you will also have only one hot option for dinner. Pray it's not a Spaghetti Carbonara which is more a Spaghetti CarbonFiber.
But here's the very worst.
On these longest non-transcontinental flights, they're taking away the ice-cream.
Instead, you'll just get a pre-plated dessert.
May I remind you, we're talking First Class here.
These things do seem frightfully petty.
After all, recently airlines have been trying to make their meal options -- even in coach -- more appetizing and even free of charge.
United didn't immediately respond to a request for comment.
One potential reason, however, for these nitpicky changes may be that airlines are dipping their First Class fares, so that more people will actually, how can I put this, pay for them.
All too often, First Class has a healthy selection of upgraders, rather than those who have conceded that First Class is really worth dedicated their actual cash to.
Of course, when airlines do this sort of thing, they hope that no one will notice.
They also hope that, at least for the next couple of weeks, the airline's CFO will be happy.
Until they find the next thing to cut, that is.